Specific Caregiving Strategies that help alleviate emotional distress during Lockdown:
Sarah Weller from The Wellerway gives her ten top tips:
1. Validate and acknowledge children’s worries, don’t dismiss it by using phrases such as “there’s nothing to worry about”, “it will be ok”, or try and talk them out of it. This language feeds anxiety. Explain to children the facts of Coronavirus and why you have taken the decisions that you have in an age appropriate way.
Instead, to validate, you can show understanding through empathy, using expressions like “I get it”, “I can see how scared you are.” Validate that we have faith in them that they can “find their brave”. It’s important that you work together to find solutions, rather than “asserting” solutions.
2. Help them tolerate distress and accept uncomfortable feelings, that will come and go. Re-assure that it’s ok to have thoughts that worry us, and that it’s normal. Normalise “worry”. Show some vulnerability that you too are worried, but you take care that your worry thoughts don’t take over. Share what helps you….doing some exercise, watching TV, taking a bath etc. Ask them what activity they think would help them feel more relaxed.
3. Don’t try and change the decisions that your children are making e.g not connecting with friends. Instead gently explain that anxiety comes from a strong healthy brain, wanting to protect us, not a weak one. However, sometimes it sends us the wrong messages. It’s up to us to control our mind, not the other way around. We can be the boss of our brain literally. Ask your child how they can be the boss of their brain when you are working out solutions. Ask them to thank the brain for the warning, but affirm that they have “got this”.
4. A great technique is to make a plan if a child is becoming distressed using the “What if….then we will…..” formula
5. Allocate specific “worry time” and go fishing for worries. Write them on post it notes and then stick them in a journal. When you return to the journal, see if those worries came true. Record what went well, what were the positives. Pick a regular time for this, preferably not just before bedtime.
6. Externalise Worry. Switch the phrase “What are you worrying about?” to “What is worry telling you?”
7. Give yourself enough time and space to stay topped up with your best resources, so that you aren’t a role model for stress and anxiety. Our children pick up key messages for safety not just through our words, but through our facial expressions and body language.
8. Help them come up with some affirming mantras e.g “I’m the boss of my thoughts”, “I’m anxious but I’m strong”, “This anxiety is not mine”. “This worry will pass”
9. Start a daily gratitude practice….even little ones can take part. It has been proven by Brain scans that a consistent gratitude practice over 21 days creates new neural pathways. Dan Siegal, author of The Whole Brain Child says that this is because “neurons that fire together wire together”. Finding 3 good things for every negative 3.1 is how you do this.
10. Make some plans for the future when lockdown is over….somethings to look forward to.
Sarah Weller is a qualified parenting consultant and licensed NLP Practitioner for adults and children. Visit the website or contact her directly via email or phone if you would like to make an appointment.
Email: [email protected] Telephone: 07825411793
Author: Helen Loder
Co-Director of Sevenoaks Mums