Samantha Goddard, Emotional Resilience & Performance Specialist offers advice.
The children are back at school, the summer holidays are over and life feels very busy again. The school emails are landing in your inbox, WhatsApp groups are buzzing, clubs and activities are starting back up, there are forms to fill in, appointments to organise, meals to think about and a diary that seems to fill up almost overnight.
If you’re also working, running a business, managing a career or caring for other people, it can feel as though someone has quietly turned the volume back up on life. You might notice it physically before you even realise just how overwhelmed you’re feeling, tight shoulders, a knot in your stomach, a feeling of being constantly ‘on’ or finding it difficult to properly switch off, even when you finally get a moment to yourself.
Then there’s the never-ending mental list, the emails you haven’t replied to, the thing you forgot to order, the message you meant to send, the appointment you need to book, the task you were supposed to get done yesterday. When you’re already feeling stretched, it’s very easy for the voice in your head to become another source of pressure, How did I forget that? I should have done that already. Why can’t I get myself organised? I’ve got so much to do. I’m failing at keeping on top of everything.
We’re often very good at being kind and understanding towards other people, yet when it comes to ourselves, that kindness can disappear surprisingly quickly.
This is where I believe we sometimes need to be careful with all the advice about looking after ourselves. Eat well, exercise, get outside, drink more water, prioritise your sleep, take time for yourself. Of course these things matter, but when you’re already overwhelmed, even the things that are supposed to help can start to feel like another list of things you’re getting wrong, another should, another I must, another thing to add to the never-ending list.
So perhaps the place to start isn’t with something else you need to do. Perhaps it’s with the way you’re talking to yourself, while you’re doing everything else.
What if you changed the voice in your head?
So, you’ve missed something from your to-do list. Instead of immediately thinking, “Oh honestly, how have I managed to forget that? I have so much to do, I really need to get myself organised,” what if you paused and said, “Okay, I missed that. It happens. I’m carrying a lot at the moment and I’m doing my best. What needs my attention now?”
It might seem like a small change, but how we speak to ourselves can influence how we experience a stressful situation. When we repeatedly tell ourselves “I can’t cope,” “I’m so stressed” or “I have too much to do,” we can reinforce that heavy sense of pressure.
That doesn’t mean we should pretend everything is fine or cover difficult feelings with positive affirmations. It’s about developing a more supportive inner voice, particularly when things don’t go to plan.
Perhaps the next time you notice yourself being hard on yourself, you could practice:
- Noticing: What have I just said to myself?
- Pausing: Is that voice helping me right now, or is it adding another layer of pressure?
- Reframing: What would I say to someone I love if they were in exactly the same situation?
You probably wouldn’t tell them they were failing, that they should have managed it better or that they really need to get themselves organised. You’d probably remind them that they’re doing their best, that everyone forgets things sometimes and that they can deal with whatever needs dealing with, one thing at a time.
So perhaps you can offer yourself the same kindness.
“Okay, I made a mistake.”
“I missed something.”
“I’ve got a lot going on at the moment.”
“I’m doing a good job.”
“I can deal with this.”
“What do I need to focus on right now?”
You don’t need to add “be kinder to myself” to your to-do list. Just start noticing the voice you use when things go wrong.
Because when life is noisy, the inbox never clear and the group chats keep pinging, we can’t control everything that is coming at us. But we can begin to change the voice we have alongside us while we navigate it.
And sometimes, that little shift can make the whole experience feel just a little lighter, calmer and more manageable.
Samantha Goddard
Emotional Resilience & Performance Specialist
Helping capable women understand themselves, feel calmer and trust themselves again.
